The scene: two people are arguing in a crummy loft apartment. One dressed all in black with a giant green X painted on his face. The other dressed in black with PlayStation logo painted on his face.
“My console has more graphics than your console and therefore it is better.”
“No my console is better-er because of the graphics and the cloud!!!!”
*BOOM! An arrogant PC gamer bursts in through the skylight with a huge PC tower strapped to his back*
“You all suck balls! I am PC! I have the bestest graphics of them all if you are willing to spend a fortune and constantly worry about game/hardware specs for the rest of your life!”
The arguement escalates and a huge fight ensues. Disks being used as throwing stars. Controllers as small, oddly shaped clubs. Etc.
Outside a mother walks by handing her iPad over to her overweight four year old.
“The password is: IamStupid don’t spend too much on virtual bird bucks.”
Inside the apartment underneath to the loft where the battle of the generation is taking place, a 40 year old divorcé has been sat at their desk for two weeks playing Candy Crush.
“I….will….stop….soo…OOOOO! Piece of candy! OOOO! Piece of candy!”
Suddenly the combatants in the fight of the generation crash through the ceiling startling the Candy Crush gamer. The PC gamer’s tower is making a weird weezing noise and glowing an odd purple colour. The Xbox gamer lies motionless on the floor muttering some nonsense about reversing DRM policies and TV being the future of games. The PlayStation gamer, bloodied, beaten and missing an arm notices the Candy Crush gamer.
“Hey look! A CASUAL! Let’s get ‘em!”
Putting aside their difference the PlayStation and PC gamer help the Xbox gamer up and hurl him in the direction on the hapless Candy Crush gamer. His mouth foaming with rabid bloodlust,
“Death to casuals! Hardcore forever!!!!” The Xbox gamer screams as he lands on top of the Candy Crush gamer and starts tearing him apart. The PlayStation and PC gamers dive in, the hardcore bloodlust taking hold.
Outside the iPad Mother looks despondently at her overweight child.
“Damnit! I thought I told you not to spend to much! I’m going to have to go to The Sun and the Daily Mail to try and get the £3000 you spent on bird bucks back!”
A bus drives past, a small child wearing a Nintendo cap looks out of the back window. He sees the iPad mother berating her child and the fight of the generation starting to spill out onto the street. He presses his hands up against the window.
“I should be out there. That should be me out there with them all…taking part.”
Suddenly he feels a heavy hand land on his shoulder. He turns around. Terror fills his body. He knew this day would finally come. He had been running for so long. He was so close to getting away with it too.
“Where are my bells? HMMM?! WHERE ARE THEY?!!!”
“I’m sorry Mr Nook! Just give me more time!”
“You’ve had time kid…you’ve had plenty of time. You know what happens to people who don’t pay up?”
“No….no. NO! Anything but that!”
“Sorry kid it’s the only way left you can pay off your debt. You gotta fight.”
Back at the fight of the generation the dust has finally settled. The remnants of the Candy Crush gamer are dotted around the rubble. The Xbox Gamer and PlayStation Gamer lay dead on the floor next to the bodies of the iPad Mother and her child. Amongst them all the PC Gamer sits huddled in a ball slowly rocking back and forth. His tower now beeping loudly.
“But…I am what people play casual games on…HA…..HAHA…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!”
A sense of great relief decends on him. A realisation that had eluded him for so long is suddenly staring him in the face.
His tower beeps faster and louder.
“We’re all the same! Casual/Core! PC, Xbox and PlayStation! Even iPad and that weird Nintendo kid who constantly runs away from us. We are all just gamers! It’s not about the graphics or how and where you play! It’s about the games! Guys? …….guys?”
He notices the bodies around him and the blood on his hands. He knows it’s over. The grand realisation came to him to late and now everyone was dead.
“…..It was about the games all along…..”
His tower screeches and explodes. A huge, blinding light fills the area wiping out everything in its path. Several blocks away a guy sat in a coffee shop looks up from his PS Vita as the sound of the explosion reverberates through the shop.
“I’ve missed something important haven’t I?” he says to himself. He shrugs and goes back to enjoying the game on his Vita. A 3D-First Person-Adventure game with Candy Crush and RPG mechanics mixed with shooty bang bang stuff. It is the best game ever made and he is the only one who knows it.